Jun 12, 2014


You may recall a post about a recent experience in which I allowed a Dom to push me beyond my limits. During that scene, I learned a lot about pain, submission, and my own interests and curiosities in each. The scene pushed me closer to my breaking point than I ever thought I would reach, but didn't push me beyond it. After I had time to process everything that happened, I came to the frightening conclusion that I would certainly find myself in the same emotionally compromising position again in my future. Knowing this, I convinced myself that I would not be ready to do it again only six months later.

But there I was. I found myself making plans to meet that same Dom again. A Dom who fills me with both joy and excitement, but also trepidation. When the time finally came, the mood was very lighthearted, but I was still very nervous about what was to come. I was tied just as I had been last time: a simple, but effective spread eagle. There was only one goal of the scene: to be taken to the ledge that I looked over last time, and then pushed over it.

The instant I felt the first blow, I almost believed that I had made a mistake. After several other hits from the riding crop, I began to remember just how taxing my first experience was. After only a couple minutes, I was asking myself what I was doing. Within 10 minutes, I was in deep subspace, a frame of mind that I reach on the rarest of occasions. The scene continued, even with the help of my own friends to hold my legs back and give access to harder to reach places. It was right after my legs were re-attached to the bed that I reached the same point that we ended on in my first experience: The edge.

This was the point where tears began to soak the same blindfold that was used to hide the coming blows the last time I experienced such physical pain. I continuously told myself that it was 'only pain'. Along with that, screaming and yelling profanities were the only coping mechanisms I had at my disposal. There was a row of clothespins running up each of my sides for a good while by that time and I was fully aware of the rope strung between each one. The time came for the "zipper" to be ripped off my body, and no more than a minute of the riding crop later, it happened: I broke.

My tears turned into sobs as I reached the point in which I could no longer cope with the pain. I couldn't take it anymore. No more than a minute later, the continued barrage of smacks mixed with the verbal comforting from my Dom led to something I would have never expected: I wanted to keep going. I needed to keep going. I couldn't take any more pain, but I wanted to do it for him more than I wanted the pain to stop. He asked if I was ok. He asked if I wanted to keep going. Each time, despite my emotional state, I swallowed and said, "Yes Sir". When I was released, I was a mess. My thighs and ass were destroyed. My face tingled from breathing so rapidly. My right leg tensed up and became nearly unusable because of the thrashing and pulling it had done. My hands shook as I held the glass of water the Dom had brought me.

After the scene was over, I was told that next time, we will go even further. The ideas of a 'next time' and going even further than we just had frightened me, but also intrigued me. What's beyond the emotional state I had just experienced? How far could I go before I absolutely have to end the scene? I learned a lot about myself, what I can take, and what true subspace is.

When I began to explore kink and the community of guys behind it, I thought the only new things to try were gear and toys. There's so much more to explore: submission, dedication to a Dom, emotional states, and likely categories I haven't even realized yet. It's quite clear that I still have a lot of exploring to do, but I'm so excited to see what I find.

Jun 4, 2014

IML 2014

Well another year has passed, and another IML has come and gone. For me, last year’s IML was great, but it was impacted by a number of personal conflicts. This year, however, was just an awesome time.

After landing on Thursday afternoon, I met up with a couple of my roommates and checked into the hotel. We didn’t waste much time. No more than an hour after checking in, we had a pair of boys tied side by side on the bed. I had been talking with one of these boys for well over a year, so it was great to finally meet. After a great dinner, we made our way back up to the room, where we spent some time relaxing and just doing a bit of light bondage. It was a fantastic way to unwind after a day of travel. Later in the evening, we spent some time down in the lobby, catching up with friends and enjoying each others company.

Friday started a bit lazily, but I enjoyed what we’ll call… ‘breakfast in bed’. After a real breakfast, the market was open. We took a good spin around both levels, before heading back up to the room. We invited a few friends up to join us. Before we knew it, our merry gang of five had turned into a social gathering of nearly twenty. Later that evening, I had a play date with a couple friends. I was tied along side my new buddy.

Saturday started with a solid breakfast and a stroll around the market. A bit later in the afternoon, we had another large gathering in our room. This time, there was a little more bondage involved. Several boys, including myself, were tied at any given time. Later in the evening, several of us had plans for what would be quite a sight. Over the past few years, I’ve seen my fair share of mummified guys and been in my fair share of mummifications. On saturday night, I helped to mummify five boys, before becoming the sixth myself, shortly before a seventh was added. By the time we were done, there were seven of us mummified across two hotel room beds. It was a thing of beauty… and oh so much fun! After some particularly crazy, and in some cases… childish, antics, we all eventually got ourselves free before heading back to the room.

Sunday started with a trip to the market. I finally got myself a new gag. A bit later in the day… It was time. In my recent post, “Beyond Limits”, I came closer to my breaking point than I ever thought I would. I discovered that regardless of the pain, I wanted to explore this aspect of submission further. After the scene that my post describes, I had a suspicion that I would find myself at the hands of that Dom again in the near future. I was right. A more detailed post about this experience is coming soon. After that scene, we spent some time relaxing in the room, while I recovered from my ordeal.

IML was over. On Monday morning, we all packed up our belongings before one last quick tour of the Market with suitcases in tow. After we were checked out and a few of the group had already left, a couple of us decided to get out and see a bit of the town. We grabbed what was the best coffee I’ve ever had, and headed to Boystown for a quick tour. I hadn’t been in that area since my first MIR, over two years ago, so it was exciting to see it again. After that, we headed over to the famed “Bean” for the obligatory Chicago selfie, before heading off to the airport.

This year’s IML was amazing. Unfortunately, I was not able to play with one of my favorite Doms, but I was able to help introduce a new friend, and reader of this blog, to IML and a broader kink community. That is, afterall, the purpose behind this blog.