Feb 28, 2013


We all have different interests and come from different walks of life, but we can all agree on at least one thing: In a Dom/sub dynamic, the Dom has all of the power and the sub has none. Wrong.

It's true, in a Dom/sub relationship, the Dom gives the orders and the sub does as he is told (assuming he's obedient). In many cases, these orders or commands may include actions that the sub may not want, such as a situation I described in my post, 'Displeasure = Pleasure'. Even when these actions may cause hesitation or displeasure for the sub, they are still actions that the sub allows, and sometimes enjoys.

How can actions that cause a Dom or sub displeasure be an accepted norm in a scene? Why would anyone want to do anything that they... well... wouldn't want to do? The control of a scene begins long before the scene does. In any healthy Dom/sub relationship, both parties agree to limits. Primarily, these limits are designed for safety, but they have an underlying purpose. Carefully thought-out limits can be the key to a truly enjoyable scene, but they are also what gives a sub more power than he realizes. It's the fact that the sub submits that gives him the amount of power that he has. Any actions of control, pleasure, or discipline are directed at the sub. Because of this, it's the responsibility of the sub to decide what is not enough, just right, or too much. I agree with Fossil9 on the matter that the direction in which a scene goes is shared equally between all parties. It's completely natural for a sub to take action (or refuse to take action) in order to elicit a specific response from the Dom. The same goes for the Dom, who may utilize specific orders to read the sub in order to get a better feel for the him. Limits are only a small, but important, part of the equation for the perfect scene.

This paints a picture that gives the Dom and the sub equal control in a scene, but this isn't entirely true. In reality, the balance of power tilts in the Sub's favor. In our minds, that balance of power favors the Dom, but for only one reason: It's exactly what everyone involved wants. The sub wants to offer their power to the Dom, who is happy to accept it. Submission is not passive as one may think. It involves taking action to ensure your safety, to enjoy your time, and most importantly, to put your trust in another person's hands.

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