Feb 28, 2013

Power

We all have different interests and come from different walks of life, but we can all agree on at least one thing: In a Dom/sub dynamic, the Dom has all of the power and the sub has none. Wrong.

It's true, in a Dom/sub relationship, the Dom gives the orders and the sub does as he is told (assuming he's obedient). In many cases, these orders or commands may include actions that the sub may not want, such as a situation I described in my post, 'Displeasure = Pleasure'. Even when these actions may cause hesitation or displeasure for the sub, they are still actions that the sub allows, and sometimes enjoys.

How can actions that cause a Dom or sub displeasure be an accepted norm in a scene? Why would anyone want to do anything that they... well... wouldn't want to do? The control of a scene begins long before the scene does. In any healthy Dom/sub relationship, both parties agree to limits. Primarily, these limits are designed for safety, but they have an underlying purpose. Carefully thought-out limits can be the key to a truly enjoyable scene, but they are also what gives a sub more power than he realizes. It's the fact that the sub submits that gives him the amount of power that he has. Any actions of control, pleasure, or discipline are directed at the sub. Because of this, it's the responsibility of the sub to decide what is not enough, just right, or too much. I agree with Fossil9 on the matter that the direction in which a scene goes is shared equally between all parties. It's completely natural for a sub to take action (or refuse to take action) in order to elicit a specific response from the Dom. The same goes for the Dom, who may utilize specific orders to read the sub in order to get a better feel for the him. Limits are only a small, but important, part of the equation for the perfect scene.

This paints a picture that gives the Dom and the sub equal control in a scene, but this isn't entirely true. In reality, the balance of power tilts in the Sub's favor. In our minds, that balance of power favors the Dom, but for only one reason: It's exactly what everyone involved wants. The sub wants to offer their power to the Dom, who is happy to accept it. Submission is not passive as one may think. It involves taking action to ensure your safety, to enjoy your time, and most importantly, to put your trust in another person's hands.

Feb 19, 2013

Mr. Twin Cities Leather Weekend!

It's been another amazing trip to the beautiful city of Minneapolis. Every time I find myself in Minneapolis, there's something new I've learned and a new friend or two I've made. In those respects, this trip was no different from the ones in the past, but other aspects of this trip made it quite different from the other times that I've traveled to Minneapolis.

For starters, I found myself restrained only once this weekend, by my very good friend, AlwaysRight. More on that soon. This was also my first small (city based) kink contest: Mr. Twin Cities Leather. The event was hosted in part by 'Twin Cities Leather', a new leather and kink store in the area. I know the guys who started and operate TCL and let me tell you, they're doing some truly amazing things. Not only are they strengthening the leather community, giving back to the city, and raising awareness of kink and fetish across the country with their connection to Tynan and his speaking business, but they are crafting some beautiful leather pieces. One of those pieces is the custom made leather bulldog harness that they whipped up for me, which you can see here:


For the record, I LOVE my new harness! The leather is soft and comfortable. Being custom made, it fits me perfectly. It’s exactly what I have been hoping for these last few weeks. The color choice of grey signifies an interest in bondage.

The biggest reason I went to Minneapolis was to have some quality time with someone I can only describe as my best and closest friend, AlwaysRight. Aside from our times restrained by one another, we had a lot of time to enjoy each others company as well as a perfect evening at the Mall of America, walking and talking. On the second morning of my trip, I had a bit of a rare Dom streak in me, which led to a tight spread-eagle and an intense edging session for AlwaysRight. On the last morning of my trip, my sub side returned and revenge was taken on me. After being roped and teased, I was stored in the closet until it was time for an edging that would have me light-headed from breathing so hard. It was, without a doubt, one of the most intense edging scenes I have ever experienced and one of the few times I have been so close to actually begging to cum.

To finish off, I'd like to send out a huge thanks to everyone who made that weekend as great as it was! To the guys at TCL, thanks for your hard work and dedication! Finally, to a select few, thanks for taking such great care of me! As always: I love you guys!