Jan 25, 2013

Going "Home"

My readers can probably understand that I almost feel at home in Minneapolis, with the 99% of my life that I spend down here in Tampa as nothing more than a series of extended business trips. That said, it's time for me to go 'home'. It's felt like a long absence from my good friends, even though it's only been a few months. I'm happy to say that I can finally get up there and see them. I'll be attending the Mr. Twin Cities Leather event in February, and I couldn't be more excited about it! This will be my first trip back to Minneapolis since Twin Cities Leather, a new leather/kink shop started by a number of friends, took off. I'm really excited to see what it has become and see first hand the amazing things that TCL will bring to the community, on both local and national levels. Only a 19 day wait between me and wheels up :)

Jan 20, 2013

First Contact

Our kinky community is quite a tight knit group, considering the vast distances that separate most of us from each other. I suppose this doesn't come as much of a surprise with our access to major social networks like Facebook and Twitter, as well as kink based networks like Recon, GearFetish, and FetLife. This online presence is great and offers many benefits, but it creates its own unique problems as well. One of these problems comes as the first contact between two users.

I feel that this issue encompasses a couple of smaller issues. The first, and probably more obvious, is respect. As a sub, I have received a number of messages that I felt were disrespectful. Like most, I don't take too kindly to name calling. In the past, I have received messages from strangers calling me names like 'cock slut', 'whore', 'fucker', 'faggot', 'boy', and 'slave'. I know, 'boy' and 'slave' aren't really all that bad, but they fall under a different category for me, which I will discuss shortly. The problem I have with name calling when first contacting a sub is less about the names and more about the poor etiquette. I understand that for some, a dirtier, raunchier, more verbally abusive relationship is what turns them on. This is not necessarily my thing, but I respect it and those who are attracted to that form of play. What upsets me is that some guys who enjoy this type of interaction sometimes end up forcing it on those who may not. Before messaging someone in such a manner, make sure that it's something they would enjoy first. Otherwise, it may be offensive to those who don't embrace such a role.

Now, back to the matter of the titles 'boy' and 'slave'. I personally believe that certain titles are earned. Just as it may be improper to call a stranger by their nickname rather than their real name, I feel it's the same when directly addressing a sub with a title such as 'boy' or 'slave'. While I love being called 'boy' by a Dom and even kinky friends, I don't necessarily enjoy it when it's done by someone I do not know. I feel differently about indirectly calling a sub "a boy" or "a slave", therefore I'm comfortable with it.

The second issue that arises with an initial online contact is less obvious, but somewhat annoying to many. Here's the issue from my perspective as a sub.  We've all seen it on people's profiles before: "If you contact me, say something meaningful... Don't just say 'hi' ". In my experience, while still little compared to many, I have noticed that conversations starting with a single word such as 'hey' usually end up going nowhere. Just like a good story, a first message needs a hook. 'Hi' is boring. Get the sub's attention. Before you message him, do your homework. Are you two compatible? Do your interests mesh? Are you only interested in chatting, or do you want to eventually meet? What do you hope to get out of talking or meeting with the sub?

A sub's role is to give up control to the Dom. This only works successfully when the sub trusts the Dom. Trust is one of the most important factors in a Dom/sub relationship, therefore gaining a subs trust should never be rushed. A sub feeds off of the Doms energy, just as the Dom feeds off of the subs energy, so compatibility is key. When the Dom respects the sub, the sub will respect the Dom. In the end, we're all people in our respective roles. To see Fossil9's perspective as a Dom, click here.

Jan 17, 2013

Florida Boys at it Again!

Those of you who follow me on twitter already know that I recently got to spend some time with my good friend Flyboyfl. It was the first time we had seen each other since our trip to Minneapolis for Pride Weekend. It was great to see him again and catch up, as well as squeeze a little play time in.

I was really happy to finally get mummified again, as it had been months since I was last encased in glorious duct tape. I don't have pictures to share of myself mummified, but I do have some of the mummification I put Flyboyfl in. After he was secured, I had a little fun decorating him before I teased him :)

In the middle of the next day, we both found ourselves exhausted. While laying on the couch, resting my eyes, I was offered the suggestion of taking a nap in gear. How could I say no to that? I was told to put on an orange canvas prison outfit before being told to hold my arms out in front of me. After I was well secured in the straight jacket, I was strapped down to the bed with locking humane restraint straps. A darlex hood was pulled over my head and zipped up. I heard the door close. Nap time :)

Jan 15, 2013

Growing in Kink's First Birthday!

Today, I'm celebrating one year of this blog. While the exact day I started writing last year is a mystery to me, due to me switch from Wordpress to Blogger over the summer, I estimate that it was around the middle of January. Because of that, I'm declaring today, January 15th, the official birthday of 'Growing in Kink'!

When I started this blog a year ago, my goal was to post an average of one post per week. Now that the first anniversary has arrived, I have well over 70 posts. This surpasses my goal, which really pleases me. I'm also happy that I have managed to stay true to my plans of keeping this blog about my experience, my thoughts, and my advice about growing into the kinky community and lifestyle, rather than pointless rambles or endless picture reposts.

I'd like to shout out a big thanks to my readers and followers who have given me great feedback which has been helpful encouragement to keep going. When I started this blog, I honestly had no idea how long it would last. Now that I've reached the one year mark, I don't see any end in sight!

Jan 14, 2013


This past weekend was MAL. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend. This made for a somewhat rough weekend for me. I tried my best to busy myself and otherwise keep my mind occupied, but it always managed to wander back to what I was missing.

Once upon a time, when I embraced my kinks but hadn't yet explored the community, I thought little of the big kink events. I thought to myself, 'Yea, IML would cool to check out one year... See what it's all about', but that was it. While events like IML, MIR, and MAL seemed interesting, I never really had the desire to attend them. Well, that all changed after I attended my first event, IML, in 2012. I discovered that these events are about far more than just getting together to play around and enjoy bondage and other various kinks and fetishes. I've learned that it's the invisible bonds that you create that are far more important than the leather, latex, or steel bonds. That's why it was so hard to miss MAL.

So to end this short post, I leave those of you who see these events as I once did with this piece of advice. DO IT! Don't sit there thinking, 'Maybe next year' or 'eh, it's not worth the effort'. Get out there and take part in this amazing community and don't make excuses like I did for several years. If you've never been, you have no idea what you're missing.

Jan 3, 2013

Displeasure = Pleasure

Tynan approached me with a question regarding something I had told him on our recent trip to Chicago for MIR. He asked that I write a blog post about the subject, so here is the result:

In my hands was a steel dog bowl. As I stood against the wall, I blindly filled the bowl with my own urine. I was doing as I was told. While I’ve been curious about watersports for a short while, I’ve never quite had the guts to try it. While I enjoyed watching it in videos or seeing pictures of the dirty deed, the idea of myself taking part in the act still disgusted me. But there I was. A bowl of my own urine in hand, and I wanted to be forced to drink it. But why?

The answer is simple, but the idea is more complicated: Control. Well, lack of control. We’ve all heard the old expression, “It’s not bondage until you want out”. It’s a little like that. Deep down, I think I wanted to be forced to do something that I didn’t want to do, feeling that it would secure the state of my submission or reinforce my role. For the record, I do not mean to make it seem as though Fossil9 was not doing a fantastic job. Actually it’s the exact opposite. Some of my most submissive moments have been under his command. It’s that extremely submissive state that makes me crave more. I want my limits pushed and I want to do just about anything that the Dom commands, for the sole reason of pleasing him. Even if it’s an act that doesn’t please me at all. That is the very essence of submission, is it not?

This is a state of submission that I reach rarely, and only with Dom’s that I truly mesh with and trust with my life. ‘Chemistry’ is an extremely important part of the Dom/sub dynamic.

You can read a brief description about the rest of the scene here, as well as Fossil9’s description of the predicament he put me in here.