Jun 28, 2012

The Importance of It All

I recently received an email from a friend of mine in Denver, KnowsNoBounds, who was one of the guys who so graciously hosted the Denver trip I recently returned from. He is currently running for Mr. Leather Colorado and has a strong presence in the community as he does everything he can to strengthen it. He wrote a short account of first steps into this community and how becoming a member has made a profound difference in his life, much like my intentions of writing this blog, but abbreviated. I’d like to share his story with you today.

KnowsNoBounds writes: A Lifestyle of Kinks and Fetishes

”Leather, rubber, bondage, puppy play, watersports, Master/slave, Sadomasochism, and so forth. The list is endless. There’s a fetish for everyone and, for everyone, a partner who enjoys the same. The blessings of the Internet have bestowed upon us ways of finding anything you desire and the resources to obtain it. Through Recon, Gear Fetish, Fet Life, Facebook, Craigslist, and other sites, one can look for love, lust, or a Master or Slave and everything in between.

It was through Recon that I found love, but I’ll get to that. I was dropped into the BDSM world and lifestyle under bittersweet circumstances that stemmed from a broken relationship. In abandoning my previous life and running away from the broken relationship, I found an excuse to explore something that had always been taboo but had also been boiling in my mind as an interest. And I found the Denver Eagle. Many will tell of past stories of better days and more sexual environments. To my dismay I learned that perhaps most of the better days of kink and “old” leather were gone and dead. The days of Tom of Finland, the Denver Triangle, the Hanky Code, and Olde Guard Protocol had filtered through window panes of sepia; laws and regulations pushed them away, the AIDS crisis wreaked havoc upon them. But that, my friends, is how tradition and lifestyles are born.

Instead, though, I found myself in a thriving community at the Denver Eagle surrounded by gear, rubber catsuits, Masters, slaves, pups, and a myriad of other indulgences that wafted to my nose like a hypnotic perfume of excitement and overwhelming options. The perfume kindled a fire within me. I wanted to know everything about this community and lifestyle. It was in this, that I purchased as many books from Amazon that I could find regarding leather, protocol, and control. I read and lusted as much for the fetishes as I did for the information I was inhaling. I took on a slave. I didn’t lie to him. I told him I was new to this and only had recent knowledge of the relationship I was getting into. I tied him up, fed him from a bowl, made him clean in a jock strap, and spanked him when he didn’t capitalize Sir. It was a perfect introduction to dealing with control and implementing fetishes into my everyday life. No longer was the sex boring and no longer did I find myself searching for something more. I had found it, I thought.

This relationship went well. But I needed to see things from the submissive side to get the full perspective. As a side note, I don’t believe anyone can fulfill a role without experiencing both sides. This provides balance and a deeper understanding of being a Master or slave. I digress. I was collared on a short-term leash that would provide an (more than) adequate understanding of pain, submission, order, and obedience. I absolutely enjoyed it but the piece of the puzzle that had been present in the domination role simply wasn’t there this time. Some people are born with a “slave heart” and I was not one of them. It has always been a part of my life to help others, to guide them, and to help them learn. In a dream of revelation (that’s another story), I found which role fit me.

After this discovery and my new found passion, I came across a black and white picture on recon. The photo perfected a fit and stunning man on Recon, wearing a catsuit, lying on a bed. His face was blurred and his profile claimed experience so I sent him a message. I learned later that he had previously tried to contact me a number of times to which I didn’t reply; story of my life. I agreed to meet with this individual for a beer. We had a beer. We had several beers. In my nervousness, I monopolized the conversation and held nothing back about my present findings in this culture. A second date had him as a footrest until his muscles gave out and, in that same date, I tied his balls up and tortured him for a while. It was love.

This brings me to my point. It was during this time that I had a lot of thinking to do. I owned a slave, I was now dating someone amazing, and I was trying to dip myself into this new lifestyle. Where did love fit in this? It took some time to find the middle balance of love, lust, fetish, and control. My boyfriend was not my slave. My slave was not my boyfriend. They both fulfilled wants and needs in different ways and in doing so, I found my balance. I’d read multiple articles and theses concerning love vs. BDSM and how you can (or cannot) have both. At the same time, I’ve seen relationships around me that either proved or disproved each of these writings as well. The truth was, it’s different for everyone. It’s a simple idea that’s difficult for some to grasp. The same statement applies to Master/slave relationships though in that there is always a set of protocols but they will always be different depending on the relationship.

Looking on the outside, the lifestyle and all it involves can be intimidating. This is perhaps the reason most are reluctant to join or experiment with it. On the inside I’ve found amazing friends, satisfying experiences, and a boyfriend whom I love more than anything. I can’t thank this progression of events enough because it has shaped me into who I am today. I’m running for Mr. Leather Colorado and win or lose; I’m dedicated more than ever to give back to the community that’s been so kind to me. If you’re already part of this community and you’re reading this, thank you. If you’re reading this and curious about exploring more then I can only urge you to take a deep breath and dive in. That’s all.”

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