Oct 4, 2014

A New Chapter

This past weekend was a big weekend for Sir and I. While we have settled into our roles when around only each other, this weekend presented the first opportunity to see how things worked while surrounded by a large group of kinky friends, many of whom we both wish to play with.

I've known for years now that I eventually wanted to have a Sir. Not a Sir who turns into your pal when the scene is over, but a Sir that I could be dedicated to and expect the same dedication to me in return. Knowing that I wanted this, I've questioned just how doable it is when I have the desire to have a diverse range of kinky experiences with an equally diverse group of kinksters. Between my kink life and my relationship with my Sir, I always felt that one would likely end up detracting from the other.

With the kink community and play being very important to both of us, we agreed that we must work out exactly what our limits are when it comes to playing with others. This is a subject that we have both put a lot of thought into. We agreed that while we both belong to each other, we both need the ability to play with others. In most instances, play is allowed with permission from the other. We have both agreed that permission will likely be granted in a majority of cases unless issues of safety, health, or threats to our relationship status are present.

With both of us being intelligent and responsible adults, issues of health and safety don't concern us as much as threats to our relationship status. Our biggest fears come in the form of jealousy. This weekend was an excellent test of our commitment to each other.

We aced it.

As it turns out, you can have your cake and eat it too. Sir and I have the utmost respect and love for each other. At the end of the day, we end up back in each others arms with huge smiles on our faces. What more could you ask for?

And so begins a new chapter in my kink life.

Sep 6, 2014

Sir in DC

Last weekend brought another trip to see Sir, but this time, it was in DC. I had only been to DC on one other occasion during MAL. Due to the nature of that event, I didn’t get much of a chance to explore the city and its many sights. I got to see a lot more this time around. Even without a huge interest in history or politics, the city really is an interesting place with a beautiful blend of traditional and modern themes.

Aside from the tourist attractions, Sir and I had an incredible weekend, where we worked to further refine the roles that define our relationship. I was also honored to help him break in a new cane and flogger that had not been used yet. Flogging is something that I have only done one a couple previous occasions, neither of which were in serious scenes or with Sir. Since it was the first time I’ve been flogged in a serious manner, it was a much different experience: One that I have a newfound interest in.

Aug 7, 2014

Think I'll Go to Boston...

Just over a year ago, I met 'Radioactiv' at IML. Since then, he has helped me explore new areas of kink and submission, and we quickly built a bond. Shortly after IML this year, a relatively normal online chat became something more: A commitment.

When playful subtext faded into serious conversation, something clicked. He became my Sir, and I his slave. I couldn't be more thrilled about it. While unexpected, this is a relationship that I've been curious about for years. There was no question about it during the moments of its beginning: I'm ready for this. I've been ready for this.

After lengthy conversations regarding our roles, what they meant, and what they afforded us, we decided to plan for me to visit him. That trip has come and unfortunately gone, but man, what a trip it was. For the first time in a long time, my submission meant something. It had a purpose.

It's indescribable.

The only way I can describe the weekend is “perfect”. While some times were painful, and others uncomfortable, they were to please Sir. I know I achieved that goal, so I couldn’t be happier.

Aug 4, 2014

Twin Cities Pride

I know it's a little late, but I've been busy since my trip to Minneapolis for Twin Cities Pride. Pride was fantastic, even if I did spend most of my play time in the Dom role. I don't Dom very often, so it was nice to scratch that itch, even if my itch to submit went largely un-scratched. It turns out that's ok, because only a few weeks later, I got to submit to someone very special for a entire weekend. More on that coming soon.

Of the two times that I did find myself bound, the first was on one of my favorite pieces of bondage furniture: the lacing table. In my past experiences, I haven't gotten my hands on very good shots of myself on the table, but this time, I have!


Only a couple hours before my flight, I was strapped tightly to a rack. This rack was suspended above the ground and able to rotate around a central axis. This allowed the guys in control to flip me upside down or make me face the floor or the sky. Being unable to move... While being moved, is quite the experience.

Jun 12, 2014

Broken

You may recall a post about a recent experience in which I allowed a Dom to push me beyond my limits. During that scene, I learned a lot about pain, submission, and my own interests and curiosities in each. The scene pushed me closer to my breaking point than I ever thought I would reach, but didn't push me beyond it. After I had time to process everything that happened, I came to the frightening conclusion that I would certainly find myself in the same emotionally compromising position again in my future. Knowing this, I convinced myself that I would not be ready to do it again only six months later.

But there I was. I found myself making plans to meet that same Dom again. A Dom who fills me with both joy and excitement, but also trepidation. When the time finally came, the mood was very lighthearted, but I was still very nervous about what was to come. I was tied just as I had been last time: a simple, but effective spread eagle. There was only one goal of the scene: to be taken to the ledge that I looked over last time, and then pushed over it.

The instant I felt the first blow, I almost believed that I had made a mistake. After several other hits from the riding crop, I began to remember just how taxing my first experience was. After only a couple minutes, I was asking myself what I was doing. Within 10 minutes, I was in deep subspace, a frame of mind that I reach on the rarest of occasions. The scene continued, even with the help of my own friends to hold my legs back and give access to harder to reach places. It was right after my legs were re-attached to the bed that I reached the same point that we ended on in my first experience: The edge.

This was the point where tears began to soak the same blindfold that was used to hide the coming blows the last time I experienced such physical pain. I continuously told myself that it was 'only pain'. Along with that, screaming and yelling profanities were the only coping mechanisms I had at my disposal. There was a row of clothespins running up each of my sides for a good while by that time and I was fully aware of the rope strung between each one. The time came for the "zipper" to be ripped off my body, and no more than a minute of the riding crop later, it happened: I broke.

My tears turned into sobs as I reached the point in which I could no longer cope with the pain. I couldn't take it anymore. No more than a minute later, the continued barrage of smacks mixed with the verbal comforting from my Dom led to something I would have never expected: I wanted to keep going. I needed to keep going. I couldn't take any more pain, but I wanted to do it for him more than I wanted the pain to stop. He asked if I was ok. He asked if I wanted to keep going. Each time, despite my emotional state, I swallowed and said, "Yes Sir". When I was released, I was a mess. My thighs and ass were destroyed. My face tingled from breathing so rapidly. My right leg tensed up and became nearly unusable because of the thrashing and pulling it had done. My hands shook as I held the glass of water the Dom had brought me.

After the scene was over, I was told that next time, we will go even further. The ideas of a 'next time' and going even further than we just had frightened me, but also intrigued me. What's beyond the emotional state I had just experienced? How far could I go before I absolutely have to end the scene? I learned a lot about myself, what I can take, and what true subspace is.

When I began to explore kink and the community of guys behind it, I thought the only new things to try were gear and toys. There's so much more to explore: submission, dedication to a Dom, emotional states, and likely categories I haven't even realized yet. It's quite clear that I still have a lot of exploring to do, but I'm so excited to see what I find.